Cycle 1 Complete

This is what a cycle of testing looks like! 20 continual tests over a whole cycle. I've found out a lot in my first cycle which is quite helpful cos to be honest I've never paid any attention to my body and how it works before. Any time the doctors have asked me questions about my cycle I've always had a blank expression on my face! The only thing I knew was I was irregular and short. So during this first cycle I've found that my cycle lasted for 31 days which is bordering on not normal, due to me having such a long cycle but short period I have to use 20 tests as opposed to the normal 10 which is a bit annoying and more costly but never mind. I have to say going into Cycle 2 I'm interested to see if it will be a mirror image of the first cycle. I guess the good thing about this is the next time the doctors ask me the questions ill be able to answer them honestly :)

So you may have guessed seeing as I've started Cycle 2 it's yet another month of FTC (failed to conceive) I don't know why it surprises me every month you would think after all this time I'd be used to the PG test saying not this time! But no I'm not used it because each month I fill myself with that tiny bit of hope that this month will be the month. If I was honest I would say it gets harder every month now the heartbreak gets that little bit unbearable as time goes on and having another month of people saying "don't worry it'll happen when it happens" that is probably the hardest part of it all because that simple sentence makes me want to scream at them! Whoever thought saying that to someone who has fertility problems helps needs a good talking to because trust me it doesn't!

People have often said they don't know what to say to me or how to approach the subject so tend to not ask and often say the wrong thing. It's quite hurtful that it seems nobody is interested but in actual fact they don't know what to say. I don't understand how they don't know what to say to be honest it's not an illness or a disease and I'm not going to die from it so it should be easy to talk to me about and nine times out of ten ill be thankful of having a chat about it instead of keeping all the emotions and things inside. I think this is probably one of the reasons I decided to do this blog that way I can write down what I feel and what's happening and people can read it and not have to be awkward about asking me so yeah a win win situation!

So in a nutshell that's another month been and gone and we are no further forward with our dream but we are still keeping hope and that's all we can do xx