Scans and 13 week update........

Ive been rubbish at keeping my blog updated so firstly apologies! I'll go back to filling you in on how the private scan went and go from there........

So as I said in my last blog I had booked a private scan I really couldn't wait for it to come and finally it did. I didn't know what I was expecting of the place, Lee was convinced it was some sort of conservatory attached to someone's house LOL. It was actually really lovely especially inside it was so welcoming and the receptionist woman made you feel comfortable right away. We got there rather earlier than we thought and because we were first to arrive they took us right away which I was beyond thankful for as I was bursting for a pee after drinking a ton of water! The room was so lovely and there was a huge 50" screen tv for us to see the baby, this kinda made it harder for me to hide my eyes like I always do before a scan mostly cos I'm convinced nothing will be there anymore, but as soon as I heard her say there baby is I opened my eyes and it was pretty awesome to see him on such a big screen! As expected I burst into tears I genuinely was convinced that there would be nothing to see but there he was waving away at us and I just fell in love with him even more <3

After the scan things seemed to improve and we managed to get on with things and I started to enjoy the experience a bit but then then the bleeding would start again and I would go back to feeling all the anxieties and fears again it was just really getting me down and I was always to scared to leave the house for long periods of time cos I had to be close to the toilet so I could check up to a million times a day.

I finally got myself together enough to go to Glasgow and meet up with my best friend and we went out for the day it really knocked me for six I was shattered I think mostly cos it's the first time I've been so far from my house and drove further than I have been recently but it was lovely to have a bit of normal for a wee while.

The past few days have been pretty rough the bleeding stopped for about 3 days and I thought finally this is it but again it was just tricking me because it started again on Sunday through to Monday and we had our 12 week scan on Tuesday and strangely the bleeding stopped so I started getting excited again my mum was through staying as I invited her to the scan and Lee's mum and gran were coming through to visit and come with us. We travelled to the hospital and I couldn't wait to see spud again, mixed in with some anxiety. We didn't wait long for the scan but I was gutted to find my mum and Lee's mum weren't allowed to come in so they had to wait outside.

Lee and I went into the room and I got myself on the bed and again closed my eyes, the sonographer wasn't the friendliest of people so I whispered to Lee is he there and he said yeh! And then I looked and there was my little spud again I fell in love all over again it was wonderful to see him and he even did a forward flip which was so strange to see! He was measuring perfect for 13 weeks and he had a good heartbeat as well 

After the scan we waited ages in the waiting room to be called for a blood test which was to test for Down syndrome, the nurse advised we would get the results in 10-14 days if everything comes back normal we will get a letter but if there is any abnormalities they will phone me sooner. To be honest whatever happens it won't change a thing.

Once we were able to leave we went to the carvery for lunch to celebrate and then unfortunately Lee had to go back to work he had been in excercise since Monday and managed to get back for the scan but had to go right back afterwards I was so pleased he got to come with us.

The next day came and I woke up feeling really unwell and quite sore but I tried to ignore it and went to work but I had started bleeding again and I just felt like something wasn't quite right. I managed to get through until the afternoon but when I went to the toilet there was quite a lot of blood even more than ever before and I got quite a bit of a fright. I went back to my desk and tried to call the doctors but they were closed for a half day so I tried to phone the midwife and nobody answered so I tried to call Lee but with him being on excercise I couldn't get through to him and I had no choice but to phone the midwife triage at the hospital and she told me to go straight up which also frightened me because any other time they have told me to ride it out so I instantly burst into tears and my office manager was unsure of what to do I don't think she deals with very many crying pregnant people. I thought I just had to get hold of Lee as he needed to know but I tried him about 4 times and he never answered so I had to phone the guard room and the poor guy who answered the phone bless him he was trying to calm me down cos I couldn't control the tears and he said he would get him back for me.

My office manager let me leave work then and there and I drove home in tears and Lee's boss phoned me to find out what was happening and he said he would get him as soon as he could and meet me at the hospital. It was at this point I felt so alone and realised with my family being so far away I have nobody here to turn to in a crisis. The only person I thought to phone was Angie from my work and I was so thankful she could drop everything and come with me as I didn't know how long Lee would be and I couldn't face it alone so I drove to her house and picked her up and off we went. 

When we got to the hospital it wasn't long until Lee walked in covered in cam cream looking shattered and smelling from spending a couple of nights out on the hills but was I relieved to see him! His boss had brought him to the hospital and he kindly offered to take Angie home which was really lovely.

We waited for what seemed like ages before we were called into a ward and they took my blood pressure, temperature and a urine sample. They said a doctor would be round to have a talk with me and take it from there. We literally did wait over an hour before a midwife came in and apologised but the doctor was stuck in theatre and hopefully wouldn't be to much longer. I really wasn't to fussed as it's hardly anyone's fault so we waited and a Lee being Lee had to make a quick dash to the shop and he brought back a picnic for himself lol.

Eventually the doctor came round she was a lovely young doctor and was so reassuring. She sat on the bed and spoke to me and said that they have to treat it as a threatened miscarriage because of the bleeding and cramping. To be honest I never heard anything she said apart from those two words and I broke down the doctor had to leave the room because she was pretty upset and when she came back she apologised for upsetting me but she had to tell us. I felt really bad afterwards because I think I upset her but I couldn't hold back the tears. 

Once I managed to compose myself she advised that they would be doing an internal exam to check that my cervix was closed and I was also going to be given an anti d injection because my blood type is rhesus negative. The internal exam showed that I have polyps on my cervix and she said this could be the reason for the bleeding. It's quite like a skin tag you get on your body, I have one on my neck and if I catch it at all it bleeds sometimes and this is kinda like that. She said it's not harmful but I may experience bleeding again and after we have had the baby I can have them removed. So this was quite reassuring but the doctor still wanted me to have a scan but unfortunately the scan place was closed so it looked like we would have to come back tomorrow but while the nurse was giving me the anti d injection they managed to track someone down who could do the scan much to my relief!

Again going into the scan room I wasn't sure what to expect so closed my eyes again but he was absolutely fine! I've never been so relieved to see him again and see his little heart beating away. I definitely think he's going to be a boy though they always do like to cause us women trouble :)

After that we were discharged and I was given the strict order to have bed rest and take it easy so I'm off work for a few days to try and feel better so far the bleeding is still here but she said that might happen due to the internal examination. Hopefully it'll ease off soon but I won't hold my breath.

In the meantime I've been getting myself excited by looking at the nursery furniture and planning how it's going to look I can't wait to start getting it ready for little spuds arrival <3 we have our midwife appointment in 3 weeks so I'll be sure to update you then xxxx

A&E, Midwife Appointment and 10 week update

It's almost laughable reading my last blog entry and how I said I hope the drama would settle down after having an early scan done amazing how wrong I could have been!

So the bleeding didn't stop well it did then came back worse than ever to the point I woke up on a Sunday morning went to the toilet and there it was again blood but more heavier this time so as expected burst into tears and woke Lee up bearing in mind it was 7am and the weekend thankfully he could see how upset I was so there was no hesitation that we had to get ready and go to the A&E at the hospital. Safe to say I cried the whole way there, managed to compose myself enough to walk from the car to the reception then as soon as they asked what was wrong the tears came again and I just managed to give my details through sobs. We didn't wait long and thankfully it was really quiet, who else would be at the A&E that early on a Sunday morning!! 

We got taken into a cubicle by a young male doctor and once I said what was wrong you could visibly see he was pretty uncomfortable. He left the room for something and a woman came in to replace him I found this really strange and a bit unprofessional that he felt he couldn't deal with what we were there for. The woman was lovely and really seemed interested in helping me and reassuring me.

The only down side to A&E is that you are left sitting for quite a while they took blood samples, urine samples and putted a cannula in which hurt like a mother trucker! And we waited and waited. At one point they were putting me on a ward which was slightly terrifying but then once it hit 9:30 they got a gold of EPU and scheduled me in for a scan at 10:00. We had to sit and wait for a porter to come and get us I think this mostly down to the fact the EPU was on the complete opposite side of the hospital and it was some trek! Finally the porter arrived with a wheel chair and took us round and I'm not lying when I say it took us about 10 minutes to get there!

Because it was the weekend the EPU was really quiet so again we didn't wait to long until the nurse called for us and she has got to be one of the nicest nurses I've ever met. She was so friendly and reassuring and didn't once make me feel like I was mad. She took us into a room where two other nurses would perform the scan. Again I got on the bed and closed my eyes and burst into tears when she said that everything was ok and we got to see him on the screen. I was so convinced there would be nothing there and I've never felt such a big weight off my shoulders than that moment!

After the scan the nurse took us into another room to remove the cannula and have a chat to us about how things went and she said if I had any worries to not hesitate to call them which I thought was lovely.

Everything seemed to calm down after that for a few days anyway but then I had more bleeding I managed to keep calm and not worry and this worked for a while. It wasn't long until our midwife appointment was here a few days before it though I had another scare and had to get Lee sent home from exercise because I was terrified of being on my own his boss was amazing and got him back for me and just having him home made me feel a bit better so it turned out he could make it to the appointment.

I have to say it was the longest appointment ever! We had to be there for 8:30 and we didn't get out until after 10:00!! She went through everything about our family medical history, took bloods, urine sample, our medical history it was a lot of information! All the while it felt really surreal because I never once in my life thought I'd be attending a midwife appointment. We got loads of booklets and information to take home as well as our maternity notes which is my responsible to take to all my appointments, I wonder how many times I'll forget lol :)

Things seemed to be going well luckily I haven't had many symptoms apart from the odd nausea and my boobs being really sore and sensitive of course I'm grateful I'm not hugging the toilet throwing my guts up but on the other hand it's kinda scaring me how I'm not having more symptoms and people don't understand my logic behind this they are to quick to say you should be thankful and how I'd know all about it if I did have horrible symptoms. People have been really irritating throughout this so far and I think because they can fall pregnant so easily they don't understand what it feels like for me to have worked so hard for this and been through so much heart ache and appointments and all sorts that I'm a million percent terrified that this is going to be taken away from me and I really wish people would try and understand how hard this is instead of being over opinionated.

Anyway I thought the bleeding had stopped altogether but I think it was just lulling me into a false sense of security cos it's back :( it's really getting me down so much so I've booked a private scan which is happening on the 6th March and I honestly just can't wait for it to be here. I'm also beyond terrified of the scan I genuinely don't know what I'd do if it came back as something wrong.

I just want this first trimester to be over and for everything to just be ok so I can start to enjoy this experience because so far it's not been a very good time and I'm constantly in a state of fear and it's really not a nice feeling to have 24/7.

That's me up to date hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to update and feel more better about things. In the mean time I ask you all to say a prayer and send positive vibes my way xx