Fair enough most of it has probably been down to sheer paranoia and possibly still trying to get my head around that we are actually pregnant but every twinge, cramp and odd feeling I've had this week has sent me into an emotional mess. So far this week I've phones NHS 24 in tears because I had some bleeding and cramps and was convinced that was it but the lovely nurse managed to calm me down and sent Lee out to get some paracetamol which helped ease off the cramps and I felt better but the next few days the bleeding hadn't stopped and I phoned the EPU (early pregnancy unit) but they said everything sounded normal and by this point I was so upset cos I just felt nobody was listening to me and I felt like they were treating me like some psycho pregnant woman but I just felt that something wasn't right after spending the night in tears and trying to persuade Lee to take me to hospital he ended up calling my mum to try and calm me down because I was just in that much of a state nothing he was saying was getting through to me. My mum shouted and balled down the phone sounds mean but it worked and she got Lee to phone the hospital just to put my mind at ease but again they said it seemed fine but someone would call me tomorrow. Nobody ever did call and I ended up making a doctors appointment because I just wanted to get checked out and make sure everything was normal and hallelujah I finally got someone to listen to me and understand how I was feeling.
The doctor was not amused at how we had been treated and how we had just been left to go into the system like a normal pregnancy when this was not normal especially after already starting IVF treatment. I had told her I felt abandoned and like nobody was taking me seriously and she was genuinely sad I felt like that. She personally phoned the EPU and got me an appointment for the next day to have a scan to make sure everything was ok as I still had some bleeding and cramping and she could see how scared I was.
The next morning I had to go into work for a few hours and thankfully they flew in and we were on our way to the hospital in no time at all. The waiting room for the pregnancy support centre was lovely you could tell they made it nice because it's not always good news for people and just as the thought crossed my mind this young woman came in on her own fighting back the tears I felt so awful for her not knowing what her story was but being there alone I just wanted to give her a hug (i never though) soon after another woman came in with a screaming toddler and I thought it was a bit inappropriate especially when you have this woman clearly upset sitting in the same room.
It wasn't long before we got called, thank god my bladder was screaming, and the nurse at first seemed lovely and asked us some questions then she left to get another woman to perform the ultra sound. I climbed onto the bed and closed my eyes I was to scared to look at the screen. The US woman put the cold jelly on my by tummy and started and it wasn't long until she said yep found him and it was only then I could open my eyes and look at the screen. Again I burst into tears I think it was more from relief this time. She said his heartbeat looked good and he was measuring perfect for 7+1 weeks.
What they did find though was some bruising behind the sac which was a reason for the bleeding they said the implantation process can be quite rough and bruising sometimes can happen and that I'll prob bleed for another week before it heals itself.
I was finally able to go for a pee and came back out and the nurse continued to talk to us at this point I felt she was being a bit rude and unnecessary. It was like she was saying all that fuss for nothing but she clearly doesn't understand what it's like to want something for so long then finally get it. Of course I'm terrified it's going to be taken away from me this whole week I've felt like I've turned up at a party I wasn't invited to! I mean last week we were doing injections and this week we are looking at cots and nursery ideas so I'm bound to feel overwhelmed and scared and a million other things!
I said to Lee I think they should have booked us in for an early scan anyway because last week at our IVF appointment I was expecting a routine scan and then everything happened so quickly, they found a baby, told me to get dressed and washed their hands so I don't think they gave me time to fully take in that wee heartbeat on the screen last week and I think thats why this week has been so stressful. LEast at the scan on Friday I managed to take it in and have a good look at him and fully appreciate what I was seeing.
So yeah it's been a bit crazy but hopefully that'll be all the drama settled down. I managed to get a midwife appointment a bit earlier so I'm looking forward to going to that at the end of the month. The only sad thing is Lee won't make it as he will be away on exercise but I'm sure there will be loads more appointments for him to come to :)
I ended up buying another wee present for Spud lol I couldn't resist!!
I think that's me up to date and filled you guys in on everything so far! My next update will be after my midwife appointment :) xx
