This all just got real.....

For some reason I just felt like adding to my blog tonight. We had our scan today at the hospital and everything is going well my follicles are growing well and reacting to the injection as it should be. I have one really good follicle that is measuring at 15! I've to continue with this injection until it runs out on Thursday then I'm back at the hospital on Friday for another scan and if all going well ill be getting the embryo retrieval operation as soon as Monday. I can't believe that we are nearly at the end of this part of our journey and the best thing about it the nurse said it will definitely be done before Lee goes, well hopefully seeing as his dates have been changed but that's another story for another time lol stupid army at its best 😡, so that's made me feel a lot better about the fact he will be here for it as I'm unable to drive or anything after it so if he wasn't here it would be horrendous trying to get to and from the hospital! I also got my bloods taken to check my HCG levels and sweet jebus it hurt like hell, would rather have my injections any day they aren't as sore as that! I had to phone after lunch for the results and the nurse advised they are at 1300 so I have to continue with the dose of injection I've been taking.

I have to admit when we left the hospital and got into the car I caught myself overcome with emotion that this is all coming to an end for better or for worse. I'm beyond terrified of how this is going to work out I've not let myself think about it much up until now but I think the closer it gets the more it consumes me. When people talk to me about it they are all positive and hopeful about it being successful and it's all "when your pregnant" "when you have a bump" "oh just wait until your pregnant" and all I can think of at the back of my head is well what if it doesn't work, what if I never have a bump. Its easy for people to be upbeat about it and tell me not to worry and how it will all be ok because they aren't going through it, they have nothing to lose by saying these words to me at the end of the day it's me and Lee who are going through this and it's us who have everything to lose if it doesn't work but so much to gain if it does. I honestly have no idea what I'm going to do if it doesn't work I'm already an emotional person who wears my heart on my sleeve and I get upset quite easily so I have to try and prepare myself for the worst as morbid and sad that may seem but I just feel I can't get to ahead of myself and get excited or get my hopes up cos if I do then I have further to fall.

I've just realised this is quite a sad entry to my blog and I apologise to those reading it and feeling emotional but this is what my blog is for it's my real life emotions and feelings and if I don't get them out then they will just play on my mind and drive me mad so it helps me to get all the negative thoughts out along with the positive ones.

Ill end it with a happy paragraph as I sit here in bed typing away I've just looked up to see my princess Suzie (my gorgeous fluff monster cat) sprawled out snoozing next to me, love her to bits so I do and here's a photo of her to make you guys smile to :)