Never in a million years looking back from my first entry (see below) would I have imagined my life would have took the turn that it has and for the better. It just goes to show that no matter what life throws at you never give up hope and keep on going even when you feel like you can't possibly go on anymore because when you are at your lowest that is when you will see the light at the end of the tunnel and things will get better. Maybe not exactly how you wanted it to but it will get easier.
http://andsoourjourneystarts.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/and-so-it-begins.html
My advise for anyone going through fertility issues and it will probably be really annoying to people because when anyone said it to me I felt like punching them but as easy as it is to let the treatment and fact you don't have children yet consume your whole being you have to stop and take time out for you and your partner and enjoy just being together. Don't get me wrong we went through a hell-ish time of it with the treatment failing and Lee going to Afghanistan but what I think helped us was going on our holiday of a life time to Florida. We had no worries at all just enjoyed being together and relaxing and more so having fun not thinking about treatment or anything. So if you can just take time out the treatment will always be there you can't let it take over who you are because it's not healthy for anyone involved.
So after that is all said and done let's get up to speed to where we are now.........
Wednesday 24th September at 02:00am I woke up with what I thought was a really sore cramping stomach ache, I got out of bed and went straight to the toilet and just in time as my back waters went. I'm not gonna lie I went into a state of panic as I didn't know what to do or what to expect. I shouted to Lee to wake up and at the time it wasn't funny but he started googling what to do and I'm shouting at him to phone someone cos I was convinced the baby was going to just come flying out (how wrong was I) Finally he called the triage and they wanted me to go in to be checked over and to confirm that labour had started. Of course I called my mum who at 02:30am started making plans to get through to be with me and I am so thankful my uncle was able to bring my mum and dad through as I was terrified my mum would miss being at the birth.
We got ready and made our way to the hospital, I was terrified of what was going to happen next but they just checked me over and confirmed my waters had gone but they sent me back home until full labour was established however if nothing progressed I was scheduled to go back in at 22:00pm to be induced.
My mum and dad arrived soon after we got home and insisted I rested but I couldn't for the life of me get to sleep as the contractions I had were a bit painful and I was to nervous to go to sleep I don't think any of us really rested properly. The rest of the day went by in a bit of a blur really time was flying in and I was sure I was going to be going to hospital to be induced.
We decided to take the dog for a walk later on that day and it was quite possibly the best but worst idea ever. I swear I thought I was going to have her in the mucky lane going through the forest as the contractions were becoming extremely closer together and more painful that I had to stop bent over in two until they passed. I managed to make it home and got into the bath which in all honesty didn't help one bit. By this point I had started bleeding so of course I was worried and Lee called the hospital again and we had to go back in, little did I know I wouldn't be coming back out as just me!
We got to the hospital about 19:00pm and it was a wee while before anyone came to get us and when finally they did I had to be hooked up to the monitor so they could keep an eye on the baby's movements and heart rate. It was then we realised that the chance of going to the birthing suite or having a water birth was out of the question and I was a bit upset about it, Lee was more annoyed than me surprisingly.
We were left in that room for hours with hardly anyone coming to check that I was ok or to check my bleeding. I had to go find someone whenever I need to go to the toilet and then have someone check to see if the bleeding had stopped or changed. It wasn't until round about 01:00am the bleeding had gotten a bit heavier that they suddenly had a room free in the labour ward and we were whisked away. It was at this point I think it got real and I was filled with sheer terror and I thought I can't physically do this. I hated the thought of having such a medical labour and the midwife I had just wasn't nice at all and I felt we never connected and that she just wasn't interested in even being there.
From the time we got to the ward until things properly started to happen again is a total blur to me. I can remember they broke my front waters and it was such a strange feeling and it wasn't long after that the contractions got unbearable and I asked for an epidural. Two and a half excruciating hours passed and nobody turned up to give me the epidural and I felt I had to push. The midwife checked and i was only 3cm so nowhere near ready to push yet. I was given gas and air and was really quite upset as I felt nobody was helping me and at this point my mum had to leave the room to get some air, probably not the best timing as again I had a massive urge to push and I couldn't;t stop it and I was screaming at the midwife over and over again until she finally checked and I was 10cms and more than ready to push, my mum just got back into the room in time!
I'll be honest labour actually wasn't that bad, it's nothing like period pain (if your periods are that bad you need help!) but it's not unbearable that you need to be given loads of drugs to cope with it. The most painful part of it all was when her shoulders came out but that might not be the case for everyone as my babies shoulder got stuck and it was at this point that I got a second degree tear which would need seeing to after everything was over.
It all seemed to go really quickly one minute I was pushing and the next minute there she was! I couldn't believe it, my first words where "is she mine?" and "can I keep her?" Even at that point I was convinced it was all just some weird dream and someone was going to wake me up and it would all be over.
The rest of the process was all again a bit of a blur, apparent;y this has a lot to do with the gas and air so I apologise for it being so patchy. The one bit I do remember is having the stitches, they were talking about taking me to theatre as they thought they were worse than what they were but they managed to just do it there and then and my god it was really painful, so much so I had to use the gas and air and I don't know how it helped for having the baby but it didn't help for having stitches!!!
So now I would like to introduce Katie Lillian Hill born on the 25th September 2014 at 05:23am weighing 7lbs 3.5oz.
This is our very first photo just seconds after she was born. I can't begin to tell you how much this photo does and will mean to me for the rest of my life. I can't believe after all the years, all the heart break and all the tears and all the negative tests we finally got our little miracle.
I have decided that I will do another entry in a few weeks time just about how mother hood in her first month has been and then I'll decide from there whether to start a whole new blog about being a mummy after infertility or not. I hope you have all enjoyed following our story up until now. And I hope somewhere out there someone has gained something from reading my blog.
Thank you for taking time to read and I'll leave you with one of my favourite (it's hard to choose) photo's of my little Katie xx
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