A&E, Midwife Appointment and 10 week update

It's almost laughable reading my last blog entry and how I said I hope the drama would settle down after having an early scan done amazing how wrong I could have been!

So the bleeding didn't stop well it did then came back worse than ever to the point I woke up on a Sunday morning went to the toilet and there it was again blood but more heavier this time so as expected burst into tears and woke Lee up bearing in mind it was 7am and the weekend thankfully he could see how upset I was so there was no hesitation that we had to get ready and go to the A&E at the hospital. Safe to say I cried the whole way there, managed to compose myself enough to walk from the car to the reception then as soon as they asked what was wrong the tears came again and I just managed to give my details through sobs. We didn't wait long and thankfully it was really quiet, who else would be at the A&E that early on a Sunday morning!! 

We got taken into a cubicle by a young male doctor and once I said what was wrong you could visibly see he was pretty uncomfortable. He left the room for something and a woman came in to replace him I found this really strange and a bit unprofessional that he felt he couldn't deal with what we were there for. The woman was lovely and really seemed interested in helping me and reassuring me.

The only down side to A&E is that you are left sitting for quite a while they took blood samples, urine samples and putted a cannula in which hurt like a mother trucker! And we waited and waited. At one point they were putting me on a ward which was slightly terrifying but then once it hit 9:30 they got a gold of EPU and scheduled me in for a scan at 10:00. We had to sit and wait for a porter to come and get us I think this mostly down to the fact the EPU was on the complete opposite side of the hospital and it was some trek! Finally the porter arrived with a wheel chair and took us round and I'm not lying when I say it took us about 10 minutes to get there!

Because it was the weekend the EPU was really quiet so again we didn't wait to long until the nurse called for us and she has got to be one of the nicest nurses I've ever met. She was so friendly and reassuring and didn't once make me feel like I was mad. She took us into a room where two other nurses would perform the scan. Again I got on the bed and closed my eyes and burst into tears when she said that everything was ok and we got to see him on the screen. I was so convinced there would be nothing there and I've never felt such a big weight off my shoulders than that moment!

After the scan the nurse took us into another room to remove the cannula and have a chat to us about how things went and she said if I had any worries to not hesitate to call them which I thought was lovely.

Everything seemed to calm down after that for a few days anyway but then I had more bleeding I managed to keep calm and not worry and this worked for a while. It wasn't long until our midwife appointment was here a few days before it though I had another scare and had to get Lee sent home from exercise because I was terrified of being on my own his boss was amazing and got him back for me and just having him home made me feel a bit better so it turned out he could make it to the appointment.

I have to say it was the longest appointment ever! We had to be there for 8:30 and we didn't get out until after 10:00!! She went through everything about our family medical history, took bloods, urine sample, our medical history it was a lot of information! All the while it felt really surreal because I never once in my life thought I'd be attending a midwife appointment. We got loads of booklets and information to take home as well as our maternity notes which is my responsible to take to all my appointments, I wonder how many times I'll forget lol :)

Things seemed to be going well luckily I haven't had many symptoms apart from the odd nausea and my boobs being really sore and sensitive of course I'm grateful I'm not hugging the toilet throwing my guts up but on the other hand it's kinda scaring me how I'm not having more symptoms and people don't understand my logic behind this they are to quick to say you should be thankful and how I'd know all about it if I did have horrible symptoms. People have been really irritating throughout this so far and I think because they can fall pregnant so easily they don't understand what it feels like for me to have worked so hard for this and been through so much heart ache and appointments and all sorts that I'm a million percent terrified that this is going to be taken away from me and I really wish people would try and understand how hard this is instead of being over opinionated.

Anyway I thought the bleeding had stopped altogether but I think it was just lulling me into a false sense of security cos it's back :( it's really getting me down so much so I've booked a private scan which is happening on the 6th March and I honestly just can't wait for it to be here. I'm also beyond terrified of the scan I genuinely don't know what I'd do if it came back as something wrong.

I just want this first trimester to be over and for everything to just be ok so I can start to enjoy this experience because so far it's not been a very good time and I'm constantly in a state of fear and it's really not a nice feeling to have 24/7.

That's me up to date hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to update and feel more better about things. In the mean time I ask you all to say a prayer and send positive vibes my way xx