The end of the first chapter!

It's mad when I look back to the beginning of my blog and see how far we have came as a couple and also as an individual. I actually can't believe we started this journey over a year ago!! This post is just to recap on everything so far, explain the things we have been through during the break and what we are about to embark on as we go into 2014. So if your just starting out on my blog a big hello and I hope you maybe not enjoy but at least take something from it maybe a bit of understanding on how to approach a friend/relative going through similar or maybe your going through it yourself and you need a bit of insight. And a big thank you to my regulars who like to check in on our life going through infertility. We started our first cycle back in February this year and oh boy what a shock it was! I totally wasnt prepared for the daily inections and copius amount of scans we had to endure and to be honest I was really naive and possibly a bit immature about it all back then. I'm not sure why or how but I just don't think I was emotionally or physcially prepared for it all. And I think thats why I took it so hard at the end when we were unfortunate not to be succesful. I dont think anyone could have preapred me or I dont think there was anything I could have done to be readu I think it was just something I had to go through and deal with to know just exactly what it was going to be like and even though it ended in heart ache I'm glad we did it. It was a risk we had to take and even though I was in the darkest place I've ever been in when we got that phone call here I am ready to do it all over again but this time I'm ready and a million times stronger than before.

After the heart ache we then had the dreaded tour approaching fast which I think was adding to the upset and stress on me because we had just lost our chance of becoming parents and now in my eyes I was losing my rock the one person I needed to hold me up and there was nothing we could do about it. The day he left i'll never forget the minute he walked out the front door my world just stopped and I wasnt sure how I was going to cope but after the initial few days I put on my big girl pants and we got through it together. Yeah it was hard and there was nights I would cry and miss him and long for him to be here holding me but we did it. He was one of the lucky ones who made it home and I am forever thankful for that.

The time he was away I focused on sending him parcels and letters and gave myself time to get over the loss of something that technically was never there, I will never be fully over it because I was so sure I'd get to meet our little bright dot and everything was planned out to be so much different than what it was but nevertheless the memories of our "should have been baby" are safely tucked away in a special box which I often look at when I feel I'm needing to. So since Lee got back from tour we have been on the most amazing holiday of a life time to America. It was a much needed well over due holiday to just forget about everything and just focus on each other and having a good time which we did. I did things I never thought I'd ever do like going on a helicopter rise, shooting guns, walking amongst zombies (not real of course) and the ultimate swimming with dolphins!! It truly was a holiday to remember.

Once we returned from holiday we had an appointent at the hospital for a follow up. We should really have went back in March but there was a mix up at the hospital and they thought we weren't going ahead with the next cycle. We got to speak to the consultant who did the egg retrieval and for the first time since we started treatment he was the only one to properly explain everything to us! I actually learned alot of information I never knew anything about throughout the whole treatment. We found out that it wasn't just straight forward IVF we were getting which is where they take the egg and the sperm and let the sperm do it's own thing but we are getting ICSI IVF which is where they have to inject the sperm into the egg to help it do it's job which surprise surprise if we had to pay for it would be more expensive!! We also found out that the amount of free chances you get is based on egg retrievals not how many times they put the eggs back so if the 7 eggs they took last time had managed to survive long enough to have been frozen we would have had 7 more chances but because there were none suitable for freezing we have to do the procedure from the start and hope that this time there are some suitable to freeze. I think thats about up to speed with our journey so far and the next step is I have to phone the hospital with my december period and i'll go for a scan and treatment should be good to start in January. Even the doctor said this time I appear more relaxed about the whole situation and I am now I know what I'm facing and what we have to go through I'm so ready for it and I'm going to let go of all the things/people that cause me stress because for the next few months the most important person in my life will be me and making sure my body is as relaxed as can be to make room for hopefully our little miracle. All I ask is everyone can help us out by praying and hoping that 2014 will finally be the year we get our dream come true <3